'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
