This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
