he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
