I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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