ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
