That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
