I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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