I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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