New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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