Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
