just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
