i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
