She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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