i just wanna soil my oats bro
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
