K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
