I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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