I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize