i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
