Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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