I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
