To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
