Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
