Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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