I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
