So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
