I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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