I think my fart just growled at me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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