So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
