Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
