Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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