I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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