i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
