I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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