I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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