i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
