so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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