i need an iv and a liver transplant
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
