super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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