If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
