Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
