Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize