i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
