Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
