Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
