so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
