Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
