Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
