Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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