Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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