youre lurking in front of me
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
