So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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