I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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