No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize