Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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