ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
