More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
