Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's rum buckets o'clock
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
