just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
