I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
