She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
