Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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