There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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