My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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