The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
