just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
