No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
