i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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