we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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