lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
