im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
