So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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