Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
