How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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