I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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