You can't special order awesome
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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