3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
