Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
