Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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