Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
