Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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